What a fucking horrible Tuesday

Oh man, you don't know how much Tuesday has become my favorite day of the week. I wake up in the morning, drop a load, shower and shave, put on my robe, walk into the kitchen and brew some coffee, and then I open my laptop to witness the weekly chucklefest that is Monte Cook's Legends and Lore. It's almost as satisfying as a kicking a shithead teenager.

But what happened when I read the latest column? Well, I started falling asleep. What the fuck Monte? A whole piece about technical writing versus entertaining writing? Jesus Christ, were you short on time and just crapped out whatever came to mind? What a boring piece of shit. It's so boring that I'm going to ignore it and instead recap the poll results from last week, which is sure to be more entertaining than, "The choice between "fun to read" and "precise" needs to be handled on a case-by-case basis."Jesus Christ.

So as I summarized for you last week, Monte used his superior abilities of a writer to copy and paste the SRD to form three examples of rule entanglements based on the action of climbing. Example one was just "climbing is half speed yadda yadda yadda", no check, no DCs, no bullshit. Example two was all like "Theres some DCs and you gotta make some checks but there is no table but theres lots of words". Example three was all "Wooooo wee I hope you likes some corn cobbin' 'cause you're about to get some corn cob in your ass son look at all them rules", or the normal third edition rules for climbing; the clusterfuck we've come to know and love.

So Monte asks his readers, which one do you like more. 12.1% want something like the first example, 48.4% are dumb shits and want more rules, and 30.9% should turn in their gamer cards and take a fucking shower.

You know what Monte? Remember when I wrote that post about how to save WotC? Well, I'm man enough to admit that I was wrong in one of my points of advice. The part where I said listen to your fan base? Scratch that one, because your customers are complete morons. Less than one-eighth of your fan base want something about as simple as "you can just climb, honest, no roll needed." I read the comments. Half those assholes ignore half the rules already. You know what you call that? Brain damage.

Monte, I told you, start with a basic framework. You can develop it horizontally or vertically as much as you want. These guys are so stupid, they will buy as much as you add on because they perceive a simpler game to be deficient. You got to promise them that you will sell them more bullshit, and they will be happy. Monte, these people are in dire need of spending their money on utter crap. Give them what they want. Just make sure you give the smart ones the good stuff. You can still write the good stuff, right? Right?

Next week, you better write a better column. I had to fall back on unscientific market research to write a blog entry. That's low man. Really low.

P.S. WHERE'S MY HALLOWEEN ANNOUNCEMENT?!